can i love you?

its been months. since i set my eyes on u. What have i done all these while ? did i make u happy or sad? How much did i helped u? Are u still suffering in pain?
you are important to me but am i to u ? am i gonna change in the next few yrs coming along ? Are u gonna change faster than i change? i wont change but will u ?

So much questions flowing through my mind, i cant stop thinking because i had a thing on her. No way im gonna give up. Shes the sweetest remedy for my pain. What more can i expect in life. Why am i thinking so much nowadays. is it because im loving her more that i dont wan2 lose her ?

Seldom blog nowadays

well, i have to blog abit cause someone say i never update my blog =D ehs anyways, so tired yesterday and woke up 11.30am today. Well what should i say, ok i will blog about yesterday. Went back to school to meet up with timothy and jin leong for our webapp project but i was late for 1 hour. When i reached, both of them were like grinning and grunting about me being late. We were cracking our brain to come up with a project company logo which spent us 2 hours until we've created the right one. They went for a 1 hours break which i owed them. I stayed back to do the microsoft word final design document. They came back after 45 minutes or so, then jin leong went off again for some "important" issues. lols. Weeqi and co. was packing up, then suddenly i realised i have not helped weeqi with her lappy. So i asked her to go eat and leave the lappy with me. I turned on her lappy and went on doing my project. 10 or 20 minutes later, she called and said "u noe my password mehs? how u login?". Then i was like "OHS ya hors, why i so dumb ah hahas". But actually i was too engrossed in doing my project which in turn resulting me to forget about her lappy. Me and timothy thought it was pointless doing webapp project without sufficient materials like the required nav bar images etc. So we decided to pack up and go home. I called weeqi and asked if she wanted to go shopping rather than going home lols. Eileen and Weeqi came back to webapp lab to wait for me, the slowpoke, to finish transfering movies to weeqi's lappy. While waiting, weeqi was so bored that she went to draw on the whiteboard. She started drawing Rachel! then drew ME then drew herself. Anyways, her drawing sux. lols. We packed up after finishing the transfers. Went to take a bus to tampines mall and shopped with weeqi and eileen. It was fun, although i was taking alot of things in my hands. I bought a earring with design on it and was black in colour, it cost me 9 dollars. lols. Eileen bought a earring too and some arm bangles or something. Weeqi bought a headband so cute on her <3 lolsssssssss. Before we depart, weeqi wanted to have a glance of serene (shark). Once i walked there, where i can see serene, i was like "OMG, ok bye bye weeqi". lols.. And as usual, a long journey from tampines to boon lay. When i reached home, i had my dinner. Big bowl of curry chicken with like around 14 small drumsticks. OMG i have to finish it because my mum cook so much. I did finished it but not the skin. I peeled the skins before eating. Too fattening already, now i have to exercise more -_-".

Mind in a blank

As usual, woke up late and went to school. Took a cab when i reached bedok interchange. And that dumbdumb weeqi say she was going to be late, SO i wanted to fetch her by cab. In the end, she was even early than me and reached the classroom first. When i reached TP, i went to take the lift but it was too crowded so i took the alternative which is the STAIRS. Its 5th floor and i took 20 secs to reach. FAST RIGHT!. The moment i stepped into the classroom, the gals were like, "ALVIN, UR BLOG BLAHBLAHBLAH". Especially SHERVONNE!!!!!, she even remember a sentence in my blog stated "loving someone that maybe i should'nt, cause its a tough and rocky path to move on." Weeqi was like scolding me, saying why i blog bad points more than good points. LOL i didnt want to, she has good points more than bad points. Just that i do not want to write so much good points, later she might feel too happy. Anyways, she is one of a kind, cause she really can act very well in many ways. Most of all, she bully me alot. This time, ill post with some singlish. I really have no idea why i will so DUMBDUMB like her man. Shit man. Hais, is 3 years long?! or am i stupid?! HAHAS.. Shud i go find another gal?! sians. But i falled too deep, everything i do i am thinking of her first. diaos. i keep scolding her dumb but i find myself dumb hahas. I just noticed, i am actually giving her pain rather than happiness sometimes =( sorry. I felt it already, and yes today i clarified it. I am making her feel pek chek. Its my character i think. I know i have to change it and im trying to. I would rather see her from far and protect her at the back, rather than getting close to her and make her feel annoyed by me. sorry. Ill try to change myself before i get close to you. I think i need some time off to reflect on myself. Everytime, i will feel very sad lor, its like i tell her the truth she dont believe me and that really breaks my heart. Then when ever i joked to her she really believed what i say. But in the end, i still can tolerate her attitude. Well nvm, stop talking about her. She already dont like me writing this on my blog. Anyways, she treats me as a friend only. So i am really doing things overboard. Spoiling her reputation i think. And i dont want her to hate me. Nevermind. She asked me a question, whether i hate her or not, the answer is no, totally no. I am emoing now for some reason. Anyways, back to where i left off, during the first lesson, it was effcom test. I sat beside weeqi and monitored her progress. She study yesterday and i never. She today do the test like never study one. Luckily, some parts she still can make it, maybe only the passive voice part, i tell her abit liaos but others she do wrongly still. As usual for tests and quiz, she is the last to finish. After that we all went for emath tutorial. Me, junhui, Fa wasnt really paying attention cause we were trying out new guns and features in COD4 lols. But i still did paid some attention on the important part of inverse function. After the lesson is over, we proceeded with webapp class. I was so slow in doing the book tutorial because i was delayed by the project briefing which took 30 minutes. I find that steven lee is a quite fun guy although sometimes he is strict. It was 1pm and the class was dismissed. Weeqi was still doing the last few parts of tutorial 8. There was 8 person waiting for her including me. She finally finished and we went for lunch at eng canteen 1. I ate curry chicken rice with 1 cheesy hotdog and served with a plate of green vegetable. I had sore throat and i am still eating curry. lols. Today was fun, during webapp i was teasing andy about something hahas. okays continue with after sch section. After our lunch, we went straight to library. 7th floor was too crowded so we went to 6th floor. I was worried whether weeqi could study in that environment and most of all i am afraid that she will feel pek chek. Well things was going on smoothly at first. She was studying alone opposite me. I was checking on her every match i finished. She was having trouble doing the function questions. I could'nt help her much cause i do not know it myself and i feel so useless at moment. Also, i can see her face abit pek chek and that made my mind go blank, i was thinking " what can i do to help her? , nothing, i only play game play game and do nothing!". I felt dumb at that point of time. She was feeling tired and she wanted to go off early. Then before we go, she suddenly wanted to play COD4, so i let her play. She play till so funny, and i am laughing while feeling happy cause she is happy. That made me happy for awhile. Then after that we packed up and jinn gang went to study. Me, shiyao, darren, Fa, and weeqi walked to tampines interchange. Along the way to tampines interchange, i felt strange and sad. I felt that i am swaying far away from weeqi this few days. I dont know what did i do. Today i asked her at night and yes i got the answer. Well back to eating, we ate our dinner at eastlink foodcourt. I ate vegetarian food and weeqi bluffed me. She said she was going to have carrot cake but she went for econ rice. And there was this tiko CMI guy who teased his friend to get no. from her. I think he never write DIE word in chinese before. LOLS. Finished our meals and went out of the foodcourt. I went MIA cause i wanted to buy honey lemon for weeqi and also get myself a drink. She got sore throat like me too. Finished buying and went to find them. They wanted to go tampines mall to shop but in the end never go. So we all headed back home. I wanted to shop with her, but i think it is not a good idea. Cause i will have nothing to talk about as i was in a dilemma. I was thinking what did i do that made us sway so far apart. When i reached home, first thing i wanted to do was call her. But i think again, better not first cause i am not ready to talk to her yet. So i went to do my chores and stuffs. Called her at 9pm or something and she was transferring pictures from her hp to her lappy. So i chatted with her on msn first, until around 30 minutes passed, i called her. And that chat will remain private. Thats all about today.

well im back and I LOVE MY CLASS

BACK!

Everyday is stressful. So much school work to handle and i have to tutor a very intolerable "student". The student is non-other than TAM WEE QI who is fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, crazy, filthy minded, "BITCHY", vulgar, deaf at times, sensitive, slow learner, sarcastic, arrogant, inconsiderate, typical, tigress, mischievous, hot-tempered, "BLIND", very NOISY and so on so forth. Seems so strange that i can tolerate her even when she treats me badly in a rather psychological way. Pardon me for my English language, i am not a good writer but i am a good listener though. Well, its fun being in F0805 since the day I've closed up with all of them. Of course, i am sociable that's why i could click well with all of my classmates and thanks to my happy-go-lucky character.

Gaming was my life in the past, but since the day I've got into poly, my life took a 360 degrees detour. I tend to work out my brain more and ceased my gaming temptation. Part of the reason is, i do not want to disappoint my family. On the other hand, which is the next part of the reason, i felt that i need to strive and study well in order to have the ability and knowledge to help "SOMEONE". At times i am happy, at times i am sad. Sometimes i feel that some people do not trust me when i am a really trustworthy guy, at times that makes me feel disappointed. Of course, lies are still to be made to certain insignificant individuals but mostly white lies. Other than that, those people who has a place in my heart or is significant in my memory data, i would eventually speak the truth rather than lies to them. If white lies are required at times, i will still use it but i will be utmost glad to reveal the truth if i could. Well, that's part of life though, humans are just paranoid the way they are.

Anyway i'm becaming more like a panda nowadays. Ever since the day i decided on loving someone that maybe i should'nt, cause its a tough and rocky path to move on. I was bound to sacrifice anything possible to bring happiness to the individual. Part of the sacrifice is my sleep. WELL IM NOT BLAMING THE PERSON THOUGH. Love is blind and that explains all my actions.

christmas eve

Woke up early and prepared to go out for market day. Upon waiting, my brother called me and needed me to help him with something. He asked me to open a document with the restaurant info as he needed to contact the staff. So i did what he said and gave him the restaurant contact number. After that i headed out to the bus stop to wait for bus 157. While waiting, my brother called my mum's handphone to reach me. He asked if i remember the restaurant number so i told him the number again. Not long after, he called again and asked so i told him the number once more. Bus 157 finally came so we boarded it to the market. At the market, we bought the usual stuff, pork, vegetables, fish , ingredients etc. After all that, we took bus 157 back home. We slowly walked back home with the bags of stuff which was very heavy. When i reach home, i sat down and rest for awhile. Went to use the computer and surf net. After surfing the net, i went to eat yam cake. Proceeded to play enemy territory while my mum prepares to cook. Not long after, my brother came home. I asked him to eat some yam cake. Went out to sit in front of the television. My father plucked finish the scales from the fish and my mum started cooking. 30 minutes later, my mum served the family with fishhead bee hoon, one of my dad's favourites. We slowly enjoy our food while chatting with each other. Finished the food and washed the plates. Went to unscrew the blind support on the window of my brother's room. Later, my brother wanted to rest for awhile so i monitored the timing for him while i was using the computer. I surfed the net to check out on certain courses that i was interested in. I waked my brother up for 3 times at different timing. Finally he woke up and started using the house phone to call people. So i went to take a nap as i felt tired. When i woke up, it was already 7.30pm. My brother had gone out to his christmas celebration. I smsed him for permission to use the computer. Used the computer to surf net and play awhile of enemy territory. After that i went to have dinner with everyone. Finished dinner and washed up the plates and utensils. Not long after, i went to do my chores, sweep the floor and mop the floor. Finished doing those chores and went to take a bath. Came out and started blogging down what i did today.

money spending day

Slept till 10.30am and woke up. Everyone awakened earlier than me today. Everyone in the family was preparing to go out for some money spending. Went to have a bath and knock some sense out of myself. Finally after the bath, i felt more sober. Wore my short pants and a nike brown colour T-shirt bought by my brother. Ate my breakfast which was a ham and pork floss bread. Sat at the sofa for about 30 minutes. Everyone was ready to go out for our family day. Dad was waiting at the bus interchange. We went out to meet dad except my brother who will arrive late. Me, my mum and grandma walked slowly until the library. My mum led us on the wrong track so we crossed the road and walked to jurong point to cross through. Finally we reached the bus interchange and met up with my dad and brother. We went to the shuttle bus stop but it was a disappointment. The free shuttle bus to tampines ikea had stopped service at 3rd december. So we had no choice but to take a cab down to tampines ikea. My brother stayed behind while we went into the cab as he had alot of work to do and also the cab could not take 5 people. Thanks to my brother we got a cab and went straight to tampines ikea. We reached in about 45 minutes or so. Firstly, we went to Ikea to have our lunch. My mum ordered for us nasi padang. 3 sets as my dad wanted to buy food himself. My mum came back and told us that the service was bad. One of the nasi padang stall staff was very rude. That staff told my mum that there is no gravy when my mum requested for some gravy. But in fact there is alot of gravy and that staff given gravy to some other customers who was served first. So my mum did not do anything and let the matter rest. But miraculously, one of the man customer at the back of mum did something good. He spoke up for my mum and scolded the malay male staff. Then the malay male staff apologised to the man. Then the malay staff asked my mum if she would like some gravy. My mum said nevermind and walked away. While she was taking drinks, she spoke to one of the staff who was near her about this incident. The staff told her that she can complain it to the chief. My mum let the matter down and walked away. While we were eating our lunch, the chief came to us. He asked about the incident and apologised about the service. He told us that he will look into the matter and walked away. My dad queued for the western food stall. He came back with a plate of rice, two chicken wings and a apple pie. We enjoyed our meal. After that we went to toilet. Came out and shopped the whole ikea. When we were at the 3rd floor, my grandma suddenly felt that something was missing. It was her umbrella cum support, she left it at the place where we had lunch. So i rushed back to the place and could not find a trace of it. So no choice she will have to support on me. We slowly shopped and bought some blinds for our rooms. Went to courts next and shopped again. We walked and walked until we found a nice bed. It was a duete 2 in 1 conversible bed with mattress included for $799. After dealing with the reciept, we went to the shuttle bus stop. It was so long queue so we had to take a taxi to tampines. My dad went to buy lottery at the ntuc. We ate our dinner there. Then we headed up and went to board the incoming train at tampines mrt station. Slept in the train until we finally reached. My mum went to buy western food for my brother while we went back home first. I went for a bath and came out to wear my clothes. My brother could not finish the food so i ate it. Sat down and watched the television. Not long after, my brother headed out to his friend's house. So i came to blog my day down.

24 hours rain

Wow! First time in this year that i have to cover myself with blanket for my sleep. It was raining so heavily and wind was strong. My brother told my mum that he had to wake up at 5am but in the end, he slept till 8am. He was so tired as he came home at about 3 plus. So overall he slept for 5 hours. I woke up at 10 am. Went to take a bath and wore my pants. Had my breakfast which was buns and fan choi. The fan choi was not bad but my grandma say it was not nice. My dad awakened at 9.30am and have his breakfast. After that i smsed my brother to have permission to use the computer. I used the computer for awhile and headed downstairs to buy eggs. Came back home and my grandma fried egg noodles. I chopped the ingredients for her so that it would save her trouble. We had our lunch together. Me and my dad was perspiring as the noodles was so hot. My grandma added 2 spoonful of chilli. We were like having a bath, sweating from all parts of our body. Washed the plates and utensils for my family. Sat down and watched television for awhile. Then i went back to the computer and chatted with my friends. My mum called me and told me that i have to meet her to buy fruits and vegetarian food. So i played game until 6pm and stopped. My brother came home at that time. Rested for 30 minutes and headed out to the bus stop at 6.30pm. Waited for 15 to 20 minutes until bus 157 finally arrived. 3 bus 99 and 4 bus 242 left the bus stop before i could even see a bus 157. I alighted and met up with my mum. We went to buy vegetarian food first then headed to buy fruits. After that we went to buy french fries before taking taxi back home. Came home and went to check on my brother. He looks sick though. I ate my dinner with my mum first. Then i proceeded to sweep the floor and do chores. Finished my chores and went to take a bath. So i came out and was prepared to blog again.

fake pay day

Sleeping so peacefully, until my friend called me. My brother woke me up and passed my phone to me. My friends are meeting me to take our pay for the stupid hamper packer job. We decided on the time, 11.30am at paya lebar mrt station. So i went for a quick bath and started to style my hair. I was up and ready at 10.30am, headed out straight away. Reached the boon lay mrt station and boarded the incoming train. I was tired so i took a long nap till i reach paya lebar mrt station. My friends were nowhere to be seen. They called me and told me that they will be arriving late. So i stand at a spot and waited for 10 minutes until they arrived. We crossed the road and took bus 28 to our workplace. It was raining at that time so we had to wait for the rain to stop. Stayed at the busstop for 3 minutes and we rushed to our workplace. Reached the office and we were told to wait awhile. So we waited outside for 30 minutes. The in-charge was not in so we were told to go have our lunch first and come back at 1pm. We went to a canteen two blocks away and had our lunch. I ordered a sambal fried rice for 3 dollars. It was delicious and so tasty. Finished my lunch and went back to the office. The in-charge told us that we can only get our pay at december 30th as their accounts are on 15th and 30th. So she took our stamp papers and told us that she will call us on 30th. She said that she will issue a cheque to us on 30th. So we were like whats all this about! Walked slowly back the the busstop and took bus 28 back to paya lebar mrt station. We boarded the incoming train. My friends alighted at tiong bahru mrt station so i took a seat. Same thing, i took a nap in the train. Reached boon lay mrt station at about 3.30pm and walked straight back home. It was drizzling so i sped up. Walked until the road outside my block and it started to rain heavily. I ran through the rain to reach my block. I was not really wet. Finally reached home and took a bath. Came out and eat some noodles that my grandma cooked. It was nice and my grandma added homemade chilli to fry the noodles. My brother came out and ate the remaining noodles so i washed it all. Later on, he asked me some weird cars question. After i answered him, i realised that he was refering to his timetable. I checked the slots for him and in the end, it was actually a false alarm. He was abit "pa jiao" in a sense that he counted wrong number of slots. But he could not be blamed, the microsoft word counted 9 when it was 10. So overall its the microsoft fault. Watched awhile of television and went to sleep in my room. Slept until 7.30pm and woke up. My brother was going out. He hugged me and danced with me. After that, i went to sweep and mop the floor. Finished the chores and went to have dinner with my mum. I cleared the dishes and went to have a quick bath. Came out and started blogging.

weird dreams

Awakened by the usual sunday morning call, i eventually spoiled my dream. This morning i went to have my bath and came out to have a chat with my brother. He told me that he dreamt of the whole family wearing blue. Then i told him my dream. I dreamt about vampires and stuff. It was in a modern era setting. I was with 3 other friends. We're carrying a load of cash while we were being chased by bad guys. We were driven to a dead end, so we drove straight into a sea. We were all hiding in the water and i found a jewel out of nowhere. Then there was a tray with jewels so we took it and swim to other safe places. Suddenly, one of my friends got hit on his head and fainted. Thus, me and my other friend swim to the other side for safety. Unexpected was that someone was on the cliff and saw us. We swim and swim till we reach a dead end. Suddenly i woke up. Then slept back. The setting was same but a small house was added into my dream. My friends were being seduced by some chinese girls. Then i was being chased by one of them and had no choice but to jump out from my window into the sea. I knew that they were vampires and i warned my friends but they ignored me. I swam underwater for awhile till i saw my friends swimming towards me. They were accompanied with the girl vampires. I was in a confusion state. Thinking where should i swim to and how could i escape. Out of nowhere, one of the vampire jumped on me and wanted to bite me. I opened his jaw and pushed him away. All corners were blocked and i was surrounded. Weird thing happened, a man was floating on the water surface. So i jumped on his back and he started to walk on the water. Funny thing was that he was actually a moustache guy from the movie called "kung fu hustle". He fought with the vampires for awhile. Then i woke up. When i slept back, i could not continue my that vampire dream. But overall its a interesting dream.

last day of work

Sad to say, i have decided to quit this "hamper packer" job after today. Its all crap and tiring job. It is said to be a hamper packing job but it doesn't seem like it. For the first day of work, i had to distribute brochures to companies due to reasons that they gave me. It was because that the wine for the hamper packing was not here yet. For today, i was hoping that i could start working on hamper packing, but out of nowhere, they said that they had used up the wines and do not have enough baskets for the hamper packings. Once i heard that, i knew it was all crap talking. I saw people in the workshop, young boys like me but just that they are smaller size. Another proof that its a crap conman company, they had the newly packed hampers just outside the workshop. Once i had the sight of this two evidence, i straight away deduced that they are actually telling us lies for they are lack of people to distribute brochures. Three of us are quite big size which suits the distribution requirements and i could see that they are short of people like us. Therefore, they told us some crap reasons again. We obliged to do distributions again but in our heart, we know that this is the last day of work. We headed down back to Ubi Cresent as there are unfinished work there. Gone to level 5, 6, 7 and from lobby A to E. We finished distributing 40 brochures each. It was late afternoon, so we took a bus to Eunos mrt station. Boarded the train and went home straight away. We told the guy in charge that we will quit the job. So tomorrow we will go get the cash and thats all. Came back home and heard that my brother was not feeling well. Went to ask about his condition, he said that he felt headache out of a sudden. He asked me to touch his forehead, luckily he was not having a fever. Took a bath and washed all the sweat from my whole body. Its a tiring day from all that carrying and walking. Came out from the toilet and went to have my dinner with my mum. Once i finished my dinner, my brother started to sweep the floor. Just that i wanted to do the chores as he said that he was not feeling well. But eventually, he rejected my request and proceed to mopping. While he is mopping, i sat down on the computer and started blogging. Just some plans for tomorrow, i shall bring my friends to have a haircut and also find some jobs. Hope that i could find a better job. Now that i've learnt my lesson, i shall choose jobs that are on a hourly basis.